It’s Not A Tumor

I’ve been absent for a long time.  Lots of stuff to work through.  The last time I posted (March), I was preparing for brain surgery to remove a marble-sized tumor in my right temporal lobe.  That’s sort of a heavy thing to wrap your brain around.  (Yes, I meant to type that!)

Despite a few road bumps, all was progressing well.  A week before surgery my surgical team advised me that I would need someone to stay with me 24 hours a day for 2 weeks after I was released from the hospital.  Since I live alone and my family is on the other coast, this sort of threw me into a panic.  But I have wonderful friends and within hours of telling them about the situation, they were booking flights to come help nurse me to wellness.  I’d completed my cross-country train ride, and visited friends and family.  I was ready to face this and remove Zaphod from my life.

My surgery was scheduled for a Friday; I went in on Tuesday for my pre-op.  Forty-five minutes before my first appointment of the day, my neurosurgeon’s nurse called to make sure I was on my way and wouldn’t miss the appointment.  I assured her I was across the street from the hospital and wouldn’t miss this VERY IMPORTANT appointment.

I check in with the front desk and sit down to wait.  Eventually I’m called back to have my vitals read.  Then I’m placed in an exam room and wait for the surgeon.

When the doc walks in, he’s all smiles.

Him:  “Good news, we aren’t going to do the surgery!”

Me:  “Huh?”  (I’m stunningly eloquent when I’m surprised)

Him:  “It’s not a tumor.”

Me:  “Huh?”  (Told ya…and although my surgeon looks nothing like him, of course you can’t hear the above sentence without hearing Arnold…)

The week before I had another MRI that was more precise and was going to be used as a sort of road map by the neurosurgeon to guide him to my tumor and remove it.  The new MRI showed very clearly (apparently) that Zaphod wasn’t a tumor, but blood vessel malformation.  Like my neurologist said from the beginning.  It was the neurosurgeon who said it wasn’t a blood vessel thing but a tumor. 

Three days before surgery.

After three months of preparing for a life-altering event.

And still no explanation for the bizarre, neurological symptoms I was experiencing.

Nothing but bundling me up and quickly showing me the door while I was still stuttering and asking what, then, was causing my symptoms.

*bang* went the door as it narrowly missed my ass on the way out of the exam room into the waiting room.

In a fog of confusion I went to the 6th floor to schedule an appointment with my neurologist.  First available was a week and a half out.  When I was finally able to talk to her, she was as surprised as I was.  But upon reviewing the new MRI she read that the abnormality was categorized as a cavernoma.  She went to consult with other neurologists on staff and they weren’t sure they agreed with that radiologist…they felt it was an arterioventral malformation (AVM).  AVMs are in a more scary category than cavernomas and rate surgery to remove; cavernomas apparently are not at risk to become aneurisms.  So they sent my films out to be seen by a neuroradiologist for a second (third!) opinion.  The neuroradiologist came back that my anomaly was in fact a cavernoma.

No surgery.

Good.  I don’t want surgery for surgery’s sake.  But I do want the damn neurological symptoms to go away!

Fast forward to now.  Still randomly experiencing symptoms.  Next month I’ll have another MRI to see if the cavernoma has changed in size.

Really?  Watchful waiting is fun when you are watching for something in your brain to grow.  (sarcasm, in case you couldn’t tell…)

Sooooo…..in the last five months I’ve been doing a lot of attitude adjustment.  Negativity isn’t pretty, so I’ve been following that rule where if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything.  Okay, okay…I’ve been saying a lot….just not publically.

By the way, I’ve renamed Zaphod.  Given the current circumstances, I think Abby is a more fitting name.

Abby Normal.